In my humble opinion, cosmetic surgery peaked in '92 with Pammie Anderson on Baywatch.
Nobody needed clocks in those halcyon days 30 years ago.
Every dad in the UK would dutifully sit on the sofa at 7 pm with an almost supernatural sense of timing.
Anyway, now the cutting and lifting are more inflated than I ever thought possible.
If, for some reason, you opt to get your toes removed, surgeons will always keep two of the five.
Tailor's Bunion: Revenge of The Pinky Toe
One is your big toe because this is where the force of walking drives through.
Your little toe is the other digit salvaged. Like a tripod, it balances out your powerful large toe and ensures you don't walk like a deranged emu.
So, yeah, your pinky toe is important.
But, your dwarf digit is also prone to bone bumps. Enter the tailor's bunion.
What is a Tailor's Bunion?
For most, a bunion means a big toe that points towards the rising and setting sun.
A tailor's bunion is when your pinky toe drifts inwards — as the bone under it drifts out.
It makes your forefoot wider, and your shoe selection narrower.
It'll force your toes to point to your knees.
The outside of your foot will develop a lump as the two bones separate, for ever.
Tailor's bunions are like a low-key big-toe bunion. They're not as obvious, ugly, or painful.
They are, dare I say, a bunionette.
In other words: mini bunion.
A tailor's bunion is a diminutive version of the big toe type.
As I'm fond of saying, you owe a lot to your little toe.
Sure, they scream when they bang into something. But it's rare to get mischief here that a quick Podiatrist trip can't fix.
This is because compared to your big toe, it's a pygmy. It has less bone and less tissue.
There's less to go wrong.
One of the exceptions to this is a tailor's bunion. Just ask Steve Tyler.
Or four divorcees living together in a house in Miami.
Golfer's elbow, glassblower's lung, tailor's bunion.
In the words of Sophia from The Golden Girls:
Picture it, Sicily. 1912. A group of tailors hunch over in a dusty basement.
They cross one leg over the other. Their precious garments are draped over.
The outside edges of their feet subtly crush against the hardwood bench.
They're lost in their work and their thoughts drift to the most gorgeous girl in the village.
She had eyes like black olives and skin like smooth butter.
A decade goes past. For 10 long years, their pinky toe bone pressed into their workbench.
They still daydream about the dusky maiden while weaving. But now they've all got a tailor's bunion.
But that was Sicily more than a century ago.
What about more recent times?
Taylor's Tailor's Bunion
In the crisp December of 1989, three wise men in the East espied a bright star in the sky.
They followed it to West Reading, Pennsylvania, where, in a barn on a Christmas tree farm, they found a babe.
Laid in a manger, she was wrapped in swaddling clothes, idly polishing gold record disks.
They gave thanks to God and worshipped the infant. They left her gifts of vodka and coke and double-jointed elbows.
The Editor's Nightmare
I am, of course, referring to the elfish warbler Taylor Swift.
(I want to be clear, for any of her powerful lawyers, Taylor Swift does not have bunions)
But imagine if she did. Imagine the headache it would cause celeb mag editors.
"Taylor's tailor's bunion"
Or even better, her costumier had one: "Taylor's tailor's tailor's bunion".
But wait, has Taylor Swift got a tailor's bunion?
(No, but they're notoriously sneaky)
Invisible Deformed Toe
Remember what we learned from yesteryear's clothiers?
Lots of pressure on your outside foot triggers tailor's bunions.
But they're the ultimate creepers (and so are corns here)
Few people notice them early. They don't look as gnarled as a big-toe bunion.
The condition doesn't favor any particular foot type. Flat-footers and high archers are both vulnerable.
Keeping with the singer theme, in 1965 Bob Dylan hawked:
"You don't need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows"
It's amazing the fierce academic debate that boring old bunions cause.
Are shoes a factor or not? Is a bunion inherited? What is the exact mechanism that causes them?
It's true: we don't know 100% what triggers the inwards drift of a bunion.
But, we do know that lots of extra force on the joint area accelerates their development.
At The Coal Face: Tailor's Bunion Causes
Ask a Podiatrist and they'll tell you there are two main tailor's bunions aggravators.
Both increase stress on the area. Both are factors you have a choice over.
These are - drum roll - small shoes and big exercise...
Drawback of Exercise
The health benefits of working out are near limitless.
But one thing they always leave out is that extra foot impact can make bunions worse.
It's common for me to see someone who noticed their bunions growing like weeds...
...after taking up a new running regime.
Tight Shoes (Make Loose Joints)
I never tire of espousing the dangers of tight shoes.
Among the many bottom foot pain conditions they cause are tailor's bunions.
Think about it: a tight shoe taper pushes your big and little toe in at the top.
The bones underneath are allowed to escape out.
Ok, so we've covered the causes. What about the signs and symptoms of a tailor's bunion?
Tailor's Bunion Symptoms
Ever Growing Shoes
The first warning sign is red, irritated skin on your pinky toe and the bone underneath.
(As your little toe joint continues to push out, your footwear will get tighter)
You may see signature dents on the upper-outside edge of your shoes.
Little Toe Callus
Keep a close eye on callus on your pinky toe — and your foot skin underneath.
(Particularly if you work out a lot)
To treat this hard yellow skin, lovingly apply a quality foot cream like Gehwol Fusskraft Blue or Mint.
Then give a weekly going over with a decent emery board.
Pinky Toe (Pain and Suffering)
Direct pain and suffering from a tailor's bunion isn't as common as you'd think.
(It's amazing how well your body deals with the offset bones)
What are painful, though, are foot corns from displaced pressure.
The usual suspects here are pinky toe corns as your baby digit rasps your shoes.
They're also responsible for soft corns between toes — and these can be agony.
Oh, btw. If you've also got a big toe bunion, you're almost guaranteed to get the above ^^^.
Brace 'O' Bunions
It's not uncommon to have a bunion on either side. On your big and little toe.
In other words, a brace of bunions.
If you have both, then there's something up with your bio-mechanics.
In other words, the way you walk. It may well be worth getting it checked out.
Treating a Tailor's Bunion
Bunions on either side of your foot are only cured via surgery.
(When I say cure, I mean toes reverted back to straight 'n' true)
Ignore the lumps of plastic online.
There's nothing you can click and buy that has enough force to force your little toe back.
Pause The Cause
Stopping them from getting worse is a different story.
This is all about ditching tight shoes where possible.
You may need a set of orthotic insoles. These are comfortable cushions that slip inside your shoe and direct force away from the area.
But, tailor's bunions aren't like heel pain; where practically any old wedge will help.
They may well need to be "tailored" to your individual foot shape and gait by a Podiatrist.
Women (Have Worse Feet Than Men)
Yep, and it's all down to those ballet-tight footwear.
Fashion is an integral part of your life. Society says so — like corsets.
But it's not only shoes and buying apparel online is a double-edged razor.
You can access stuff you'd never see down your McHigh Street for sweatshop prices.
Then it rocks up and looks (or fits) decidedly different from advertised.
If you've got Amazon Prime, use Try Before You Buy.
You can order six items (including shoes, kids and men's clothes) and cavort in front of a mirror trying them for 7 days. You only pay for what you decide to keep.
(Returns are free).
Tailor's Bunion: Revenge of The Pinky Toe
So, there we have it: tailor's bunions.
The curse of old cloth makers, the worry of modern pop-starlets. From The Golden Girls and Bob Dylan, to Baywatch and Taylor Swift.
As always, consult an actual trained pro for your foot problems.
Real life assessments reveal a whole lot more than whatever you can google!