I'm bored writing about yellow corns and shellac toenails so I've been on a celebrity foot binge.
It brings up some interesting specimens.
Steven Tyler comes up time and time again as the King of Rubber-Neck Feet.
So what exactly is going on with his twisted trotters?
Steven Tyler's Feet: What's Going on?
I remember Steven Tyler with Mick Jagger's lips. That's how out-of-date I am with celebrities.
When I googled him, I was shocked to see Meemaw from Young Sheldon's arch-enemy.
Now, I'm not an Aerosmith fan.
The best thing to come out of Papa Stevie was approx 9 months before Liv was born.
I'm hardly a rock aficionado either.
(Is there anything worse than a full stadium of middle-aged men in leather jackets?)
Limp This Way
(Patient with overriding second toe like Steve Tyler)
Saying that I don't mind Walk This Way. This is ironic as Tyler has difficulty with his gait.
What's also ironic is that of all his indulgences: his feet are the gift that keeps giving.
I'm not going to pontificate on recent scandals. Or relapses that may, or may not, be foot surgery related. That's out of my scope of knowledge.
But I do know one or two things about human paws.
Big Foot Girl and The Fat Finger King
Famous people with strange feet attract a lot of attention.
(Or hands, like King Charles in the UK and his pink sausage fingers)
Take Fanny Mills, better known as the Ohio Big Foot Girl and who made a career out of it.
Now poor Fanny suffered from a genetic short straw. Steven Tyler's feet are self-inflicted.
Aerosmith: The Bunion Years
Until I searched, I had no idea how much foot drama Steve Tyler has suffered.
According to his book, it started in the 1970s.
The trigger was endless amphetamine-fueled stomping with tight leather on his feet.
News articles from ten years ago record a Morton's Neuroma; a fat and angry toe nerve.
Its usual causes are guess what — tight high heels.
The operation is nothing to sniff at but has a good success rate.
This is if you take enough time off and ease up on the winkle pickers. Which he didn't.
ET Phone Home
But Steve Tyler's feet show a hell of a lot more than Morton's Neuroma surgery.
Let's start with that overriding second toe.
It sits nestled on his big one like your arm on a comfy plane armrest.
Now overriding toes are common. What's not that widespread is how far up and back it sits.
What this does is reduce support for his big toe when he prances around the stage or walks to the shops.
(Most of your body's force goes through here which is why it's bigger and stronger than the rest)
This means that somewhere else has to shoulder the burden...
What struck me before anything else is the way his hammer toes roll in.
This means his four small digits don't help him walk.
They're not in a position to grip the ground. I mean, look at them.
That's assuming they have any strength at all (and I'm not convinced they do by their appearance).
So with all four toes rendered impotent, the considerable strain left goes to his bunions.
Last, we have a brace of bunions. In other words, a bunion on either side.
When you hear the word "bunion" you think of a big toe pointing one way — and your foot the other.
His doesn't look that bad compared to some I see.
The one that stands out like a sore thumb is his tailor's bunion on the pinky-toe side.
A tailor's bunion develops from lots of pressure on the edge underneath your little toe.
And yes, this can be from super-squeezing boots. But I'd say it's aggravated much more by all his smaller toes passing on the load.
After all, they're chopped, changed and rendered useless.
It looks to me like most of Steven Tyler's foot load is bared by the outer side of his foot.
I've Seen a (Lot) Worse
(Go West: A patient with a rather unique shaped third toe)
As a Podiatrist, I see lots of pairs of feet on par with the Aerosmith front man.
The most recent was a 94-year-old lady, near-disabled, who used a zimmer-frame.
(Well, she should have, but she refused)
Her rotated hammer toes were very similar, in fact.
She hit the ground with her foot on the outside edge and was in a lot of pain.
I've seen (way) worse feet than Steven Tyler's from a botched surgery.
Are Steve Tyler's Feet Painful?
(Over there: A broken pinky-toe)
You'd be amazed how some people adapt to mangled feet and toes.
Some of the nastiest bunions barely warrant a shrug.
On the other hand, people with the slightest hammer toe get a slew of bottom of foot pain.
It depends on way too many factors to describe here.
We know he's had repeated surgeries, so he's obviously in some discomfort. But that doesn't mean he struggles to walk down Sunset Boulevard.
Rock Star Callus
(Patient with dry foot skin callus left untreated)
Steven Tyler has unlimited funds for the best foot surgery money can buy.
But that doesn't matter: there's only so much drilling and slicing anyone's bones can handle.
What I almost guarantee is he will need is regular hard skin callus removal.
There's simply too much pressure on random areas of his feet from bunions.
How much and how often does he need it?
It depends on how good he is at stopping hard skin from appearing in the first place. In other words, top-tier foot cream.
This is probably something like Gehwol Fusskraft Blue or Gehwol Med Salve.
Women (Have Worse Feet Than Men)
Yep, and it's all down to those ballet-tight footwear.
Fashion is an integral part of your life. Society says so — like corsets.
But it's not only shoes and buying apparel online is a double-edged razor.
You can access stuff you'd never see down your McHigh Street for sweatshop prices.
Then it rocks up and looks (or fits) decidedly different from advertised.
If you've got Amazon Prime, use Try Before You Buy.
You can order six items (including shoes, kids and men's clothes) and cavort in front of a mirror trying them for 7 days. You only pay for what you decide to keep.
(Returns are free).
Steven Tyler's Feet: What's Going on?
Say what you want about Steven Tyler; but I have to give props to an elderly gent still performing gymnastics.
Most men his age are padding up and down cruise ship decks or arduous garden paths.
Now, a lot of people will say that they'd go out on stage with a pirate peg leg for his money.
I get that.
But, speaking as a Podiatrist, I have to doff my hat to him.
He's obviously had lots of surgery which has just about kept his head above water.