So you want some good foot ick? Parasitic worms, ram's horn nails and gouty royal toes?
Well, you've come to the right place!
After all, your feet are a veritable selection box of gnarly conditions.
(Call it the Foot Ew-niverse)
Larvae Skin Squiggles
Let's kick this party off with a bang: the humble hookworm.
Now, what could be more sensual than a romantic stroll on a Caribbean beach?
The cool waves massage your feet. Wind whispers into the swaying palms above you.
Oh, and a warm dog turd lurks under the sand. One that's packed with parasitic worms like an organic landmine.
Hookworm foot infections are pretty distinctive. It looks like a larvae on a leisure tour of your flesh.
So, yeah, on warm beaches with loose dogs — wear flip-flops.
2. Gel (and Acrylic) Nail Damage
Strangled With Superglue
Acrylics and shellac can wreck your toe and finger nails.
The sanding, chemicals and air starvation cause thinning, spots and holes.
(And at worst, a fungal nail infection)
Toes tend to be the worst affected in my experience. This is because they're out of sight and covered with thicker gobs of glue.
(To cure: go on easy on the acrylics and use Gehwol Nail Care to rehydrate)
Plump Little Toe Suckers
How come there's no decent horror film about ticks?
Anyways, ticks go face-first; no questions asked and no f's given.
You know how you lust after a big round bucket of KFC when you're hungover?
Yeah, well that's how ticks view your succulent toes.
In the good ol' days, the biggest issue with ticks was making sure you removed the head.
Now it's Lyme disease.
Hyperkeratosis makes your foot skin thicken.
When I say thicken, think turbo-charged callus growth from excess keratin.
I haven't seen a good hyperkeratosis case for a while. These patients need long appointments.
Or you to come back in to have their skin sliced off much more often.
They also need to use the right foot cream to keep the skin supple i.e. Gehwol Callus Cream.
5. Ichthyosis Vulgaris
Enter The Dragon
Ichthyosis Vulgaris aka “fish scale disease”.
This skin condition throws a spanner in your skin renewal cycle.
(You did know your skin sheds, right?)
Dead, dry skin cells don't drop off. Instead, they accumulate.
This gives you the appearance of an extra in the much-maligned film, Waterworld.
Now for the good news: you don't have to vacuum as much.
6. Huge Foot Corns
The Skin Stone
Now, there's foot corns. Then there's foot corns.
I've seen plenty like this and ironically, they're often easy to treat.
(Think scooping out one of those fat avocado seeds)
Technically, this monster is an intractable plantar keratoderma. To me, that's splitting hairs though; a corn is a corn is a corn.
All foot corns form from walking pressure concentrated on one area.
In other words, it's ingrown skin.
Raptors and Ram's Horns
You've got a frosted beer in your hand. But you can't find a bottle opener.
Before you reach for grandma's false teeth (again), ask a friend with onychogryphosis.
It happens when your nail bed is damaged. As a result, your toenail takes on some interesting angles.
Onychogryphosis is a lot more common than you'd think. Trust me.
It's often accompanied by a flavorsome fungal infection.
(It's easy to resolve but comes back if you let them grow again)
8. Glass in Your Foot
Big is Better
Let's be honest, glass in your foot is usually from a night out.
(The type when the quiet office guy does The Worm on the dance floor)
Anyways, when it comes it comes to glass splinters — bigger is better. The slivers I've removed have been surprisingly small.
This is because bits of crystal don't break up like good old wood splinters.
If they're chunky they're a hella lot easier to see and extract!
Pinky And The Brain
My how times change.
Uncle Bob's gout was once known as the Disease of Kings.
The rich foods royalty consumed contributed to this build-up of crystals.
(Uric acid crystals to be precise)
The swelling and white deposits you see are a lovely substance called tophi.
As funny as it sounds, gout is no joke. It's one of the most painful foot conditions.
The good news is that it's easily controlled long-term.